The Star Trek Workout

The Star Trek workout is most likely not endorsed by Star Fleet Academy, but that won’t stop me from doing it. (I should note that the workout itself does follow the Prime Directive, so it’s not like Star Fleet would discourage the Star Trek workout either.)

Star Trek workout

Working out has always been hard for me. I know it’s something that I need to do often. But unless I’m feeling super awesome happy fun time smile parade, it’s something that I don’t generally make myself do.

I would like to note that this is not your cue to list all the great workouts that you’ve really enjoyed. It’s not that I don’t respect your opinion. It’s just that the workout itself is irrelevant. I’ve done running, bootcamps, yoga, pilates, body pump, TRX, spin, bored as hell hours on the elliptical, weight lifting, kettle bells, kickboxing, and even swimming. (And now, I’ve done the Star Trek workout too.) I’ve tried a ton of things. Some I like. Some I will never go back to. (Looking at you, Zumba. Dancing is the worst.) The reason I’m struggling with working out has nothing to do with actually working out.

The reason I'm struggling with working out has nothing to do with actually working out. Click To Tweet

star trek workout

I mentioned last week that I’m kind of in a headspace right now where all I’d really like to do is sit in the dark under the covers while listening to the Drive soundtrack. Unfortunately, it’s a little too hot to sit under anything at the moment, because Oklahoma summers are assholes and they just won’t let you be depressed. So, instead, my dog, Rosie, and I take naps in the living room with the fan going as hard as it can. And I think about all the things I need to get done but don’t seem to have the mental or emotional wherewithal to actually do them. (I do make it to work though, and I’m always on time. So three cheers for being high functioning!)

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star trek workout

This is why working out is hard.

I know in the back of my head that I have access to one of the best gyms in the city, which gives me access to unlimited yoga and kickboxing classes — both things I love. But I really hate leaving the house on my days off if I don’t have to. And the one major drawback to the university gym is being surrounded by 19-year-olds who never seem to sweat off their makeup or mess up their hair. Meanwhile, well, we’ve discussed what a heaving she-beast I am.

I probably would’ve continued on down my righteous path of immobility had I not happened to glimpse the number of steps I’d taken one day on my Garmin Vivofit. On a day I didn’t have to go to work, I had managed to not only stay in my pajamas all day without showering, but I had also managed to walk less than 1,000 steps.

That’s nearly impossible.

Even on a day when I am stuck at my desk grading papers for hours, I can usually hit at least 2,500 steps. But that day I had wandered from the bed to the couch, and to the fridge and bathroom a couple of times, I managed to take just over 900 steps that day.

That’s when I knew that I needed to get off my ass. I mean, I knew that a long time ago. Hell, I knew it before I quit my job from Hell, but it’s been hard to build a routine when I’m not functioning at 100%. For that very reason, I knew I couldn’t just throw myself into something like I did last summer where I attended 4 yoga classes and 5 bootcamp/kickboxing/TRX/spin classes a week. I didn’t have the energy for it then, and I really don’t right now.

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And that’s how the Star Trek workout was born. I knew I needed to move.

Star Trek Workout

And, to be fair, the Star Trek workout isn’t actually a specific sort of workout. I feel that I’ve misled you to this point. But if you’re familiar with my style, then you know there’s a huge amount of build up that seems to meander. And the end of the post is generally a pretty big let down. So it won’t surprise you at all when you find out what the Star Trek workout entails. Basically, I watch episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation on my iPad while I walk on a treadmill.

Basically, I watch episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation on my iPad while I walk on a… Click To Tweet

That’s exactly what it is.

“But Marisa,” you say, “couldn’t you just call that walking on a the treadmill?”

No. I couldn’t. Here’s why:

Pretty much the only thing right now that ensures I get on the treadmill is the next episode of TNG. I’ve seen them all before a million years ago while staying up past my bedtime in elementary school. But now I have a new appreciation for them. And since it’s a show that has a lot of seasons with a lot of episodes, it’s pretty much a guarantee that I’ll keep getting back on the treadmill to see the next episode.

Also, I find it kind of funny that at a time when everyone is binging on the fourth season of Orange is the New Black, I’m watching a show that’s been over for 22 years.

If you’re in the same sort of headspace as me, then I recommend this workout plan. And you’re more than welcome to watch whatever you’d like and rename the workout to fit your show of choice.

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Soon I’ll probably graduate to running on the treadmill while I watch this show, but for now, I’m enjoying the slow pace and just watching a TV show. And that’s the secret to a really good workout — doing something you like.

And that's the secret to a really good workout -- doing something you like. Click To Tweet
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6 comments

  1. Best post of the day – no contest. Star Trek work out. I’m not sure if it will motivate me, but I sure got a good laugh – Thanks.

    • Glad you liked it! And give it a try. It’s odd how much you want to stay on the treadmill when Q starts messing with the crew.

      • I was watching Janeway climb up levels of Voyager yesterday, thinking how great it would be if there were a gym nearby designed like a set. You could get all kinds of exercise crawling through Jefferies tubes, dancing on the holodeck, running from the Borg, etc. etc. Your workout may be the best substitute for that nonexistent ST gym! Thank you!

        • I’m glad you like it! And I’ll let you know as soon as I find a Star Trek gym. There has to be one somewhere…

  2. Ha, if I had access to a treadmill, that might actually work for me, too!

    It’s very easy for me to find reasons not to leave the house, as well. Yoga classes? Ain’t got money for that OR the extra gas to get there. Gym membership? Why the hell would I want to work out on unfamiliar equipment in front of tons of people I don’t know? Take the dog for a walk? IT’S LITERALLY TOO HOT.

    Use one of my yoga dvd’s that I actually own? Pssh, but when my glasses fall off I can’t see what I’m supposed to be doing…

    XD Clearly, I’m destined to not exercise. And writers are the best excuse makers ever.

    • Ain’t that the truth! I probably have more excuses as to why I can’t work out than I have reasons I actually should work out.

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