Y’all. Book a photo session with Kathryn Trattner right now. You’ll be glad you did.
Here’s a fun Marisa fact: I absolutely hate having my picture taken. I think I get it from my mom, who probably has only actually appeared in like 10 pictures in the past 30 years.
Just having impure thoughts about Beorn, my dream man, a shapeshifter who feeds his guests honey.
Also, there was a time when taking a picture wasn’t a harrowing experience. And that’s because if the picture sucked, no one would see it. But now the second a photo is snapped, it’s on social media. So, I have what I call Facebook anxiety, and it stems from all the hella unflattering pictures my friends have tagged me in over the years.
(I would like the record to show that I don’t post unflattering photos of my friends, and yet they INSIST on posting terrible pictures of me.)How many unflattering photos have you been tagged in on Facebook? Click To Tweet
So, here I am, living a life that’s been relatively uncaptured on film. Will history even remember me?
(The answer is no.)
I knew I needed to fix that, especially since I’m trying to be the type of person who loves my body. (That’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish and a story for another day.) Suffice it say that I’m not there yet, but maybe I’m a few steps closer?
(I can’t say yes or no for sure.)
Anyway, I have a friend named Kathryn Trattner, who is an amazing photographer, genius writer, adorable person, and probably some sort of fey creature who dwells under mushrooms when no one is looking.
(SHE CAN’T PROVE THAT SHE DOESN’T!)
I asked her to come take my pictures so I could have some updated photos for the blog and social media.
Kathryn is an awesome photographer. She does a great job of making you feel comfortable in front of the camera, and she gives great direction when it comes to poses.
Though, I feel I should state for the record that she refused to photoshop pics of Selma Hayek over me in these photos. She said something like “that’s not actually photography” and “why don’t you just get pictures of Selma Hayek from the internet and leave it at that?”
She’s pretty wise, even if she won’t help you pretend that you’re Selma Hayek.
I’m sure her business cards now say “Kathryn Trattner, Photographer, not a Selma Hayek photoshopper.”Apparently photoshopping celebrities over your face isn't photography. Click To Tweet
We took these photos in my living room, and in my tiny backyard on what felt like the hottest day that our little parcel of Hell has ever had. But Kathryn knows the good angles, and that’s why you can’t even tell how sweaty I am in all of these.
(Side note: My mom knew that there had been a photo session at my house, so when I posted this, she assumed that Kathryn had caught some orbs or whatever in her photos. Then she was real disappointed by my real life ghost pictures.)
I’ve captioned these photos, just so you can get a better understanding of what was going through my head.
Are we still doing white manis?
Sometimes I just stand in the middle of my living room and hold a mug because I was raised by a Sear’s catalog.
The one drawback of wearing red lipstick when you intend to smile is that you look like Heath Ledger as the Joker.
I’m standing in the woods. Do you think Beorn will find me? I mean, he can change into a bear, and surely my period will attract him.
Rosie Puppins, stealing my thunder with her effortless poses.
Say, fellas, do you come around her often? How’s about buying a lady a drink?
No, but like, seriously, Beorn. Wherever you are, I want you to know that I love you and I’m not just saying that because I want to eat honey-slathered bread for the rest of my earthbound days.
If you’re interested in booking a session with Kathryn Trattner, you can contact her right here. And if you have a super artistic photoshoot in mind, you should ABSOLUTELY CONTACT HER. Seriously. There’s going to be a day when we find ourselves a pond and I wear a creepy witch dress and take pictures in it like I’m some sort of wraith Lady of the Lake.A Photo Session with @K_Trattner Click To Tweet
(Please don’t steal that photoshoot idea. You can do your own creepy shoot with her instead.)